Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
