I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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