so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
