Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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