Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
