Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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