I will die if light touches me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
