he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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