he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
