people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize