mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His nipple licking is glorious
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