sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
