Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
