So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
