just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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