I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
