I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
