This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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