Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
