You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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