He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
