Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
