i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
