the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
