i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
