you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I puked a lego.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
