too bad you live with your parents still
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
