i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My feet surprised me
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