There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
