and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The power of my boobs compel you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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