we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize