turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
