when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
