Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
