some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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