Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
