i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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