If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
