dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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