Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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