the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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