The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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