there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize