She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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