Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
