I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
