i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
