Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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