i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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