so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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