i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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