The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
