You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
