I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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