I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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