you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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