My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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