To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
