I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
