he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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