So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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