I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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