i think i have herpe
just one?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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