just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
