you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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