Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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