you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When are your genitals available?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
