Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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