I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
