I am puke
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
