i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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