How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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