your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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