if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
