my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
