I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
