i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
