In the future we'll all be gay
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
