It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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