My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
