Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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