Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
