it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
