There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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