I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize