your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
