did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
