i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
