I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
