Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
