summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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