no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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